One epic chapter closes

I just can't get away from that whole "one chapter closes" thing. Anyway I love books so who cares.


What can I say that hasn't already been eloquently said? I fear my words will fail me here as attempt to submit a snippet of my thoughts, emotions and experiences into the ether. I am both joyously ecstatic and deeply sad at the same time. It is the joy of growth, that of my soul cheering for my living up to its highest expectations, surpassing them. A large step on my path to manhood; a renewed, enhanced sense of self-respect; a reaffirmation of my strength, integrity, dignity.

Yet it is the deep deep pain of heartbreak, of breaking a heart; of letting go a profound love; of abandoning a content way of life. It is the severance of years of emotional attachment, as every little thing - an object, a song, a picture, a word - evokes an impression of something that will not come to be again. Pure sorrow, overwhelming the senses; a fleeting despair.


But I am glad for it. I am glad that I can shed tears, that I can feel that heart-wrenching hurt, that mind-numbing emotion when I think of it. A not-so-gentle reminder of my humanity that I would do well never to forget. Three and a half years, in which the relationship has contributed greatly to making me who I am today. Mature beyond my years, combining with a youthful arrogance making me just about unbearable; further up the path of being a 'superior man' - someone I can respect, take pride in, trust, believe; someone who has discovered his innate abilities and is building upon them, allowing his suppressed creativity to roam and take flight; someone who can accept his superficiality and capitalise on it, see his shortcomings and embrace them, be who he is and not care.

Yes, it is the difficult sacrifice of the now for the betterment of the future. That we are taking this so well, handling it with such maturity brings a bittersweet smile to my lips and warm tightness to my heart. It is such sublime beauty that we entered the relationship on the basis of the today, disregarding the yesterday and the tomorrow; and we end it on the basis that the now must give way to the future.


Babe, thank you. For the past 3.5 years. I hope that they made as big a difference to you as they did to me.

But more importantly, thank you for being you.




I look forward to the day we can look back at these days with a big nostalgic laugh, as good friends.