I need my own place
I am reaching the end of my tether. I cannot keep fighting to be listened to, to be respected as a human being, to live life as I see fit. My defences against the WMD of Guilt, Expectation, Comparison and Conformity are wearing very thin.
So I hit. Anger. Frustration. Unreasonableness. Anger. Illogicality. Frustration. It's that kind of blood-boiling anger that makes you want to hit. All combined into a mad flurry of blows, plowed into my door. Cassius Clay would be proud.
Times like those, I wish some handbag-snatcher, or rapist, or murderer, or some other ne'er-do-well would just come strolling by so I can beat the fucking shit out of him/her. Yeah I'm a righteous motherfucker when I'm pissed.
My elbows came next. My knuckles hurt, so I swung my elbows into the door. Damn there's a lot of power there - serious shit man, if you want to beat a motherfucker at very close range, use your elbows and put your body into it. Do the twist, break an asshole's cheekbone. Nice.
I'm sorry, door. You have to bear the brunt of my volatile control over my anger. You suffer from my inability to make our relationship work. You have to endure my cowardice in moving out.
Fear not, door. Your time for peace will come soon.
So I hit. Anger. Frustration. Unreasonableness. Anger. Illogicality. Frustration. It's that kind of blood-boiling anger that makes you want to hit. All combined into a mad flurry of blows, plowed into my door. Cassius Clay would be proud.
Times like those, I wish some handbag-snatcher, or rapist, or murderer, or some other ne'er-do-well would just come strolling by so I can beat the fucking shit out of him/her. Yeah I'm a righteous motherfucker when I'm pissed.
My elbows came next. My knuckles hurt, so I swung my elbows into the door. Damn there's a lot of power there - serious shit man, if you want to beat a motherfucker at very close range, use your elbows and put your body into it. Do the twist, break an asshole's cheekbone. Nice.
I'm sorry, door. You have to bear the brunt of my volatile control over my anger. You suffer from my inability to make our relationship work. You have to endure my cowardice in moving out.
Fear not, door. Your time for peace will come soon.
Labels: emotions
posted by Jo at 1:12 pm
2 Comments:
babe, you are losing it spectacularly! Poor door, i do like that door. I like your house, but i think it's time you find a nice friend to share another house with.
Want to get more angry at Americans, go and read Ghost Plane (Stephen Grey). Talks about American's version of rendition. Lying pieces of crapola.
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Ok ... so I have this thought.
Yes. I'm going to share it.
I may even call you up for it and you may or may not be game for it but ... I gotta try.
I need to move out by the mid of this year or so. Its flexible but I got to move out.
A few reasons, one is stuff at home. The other ... work. Its horribly expensive to drive from USJ every day and back. The toll, the petrol and the dang hours.
I'm planning on either the PJ area (like damansara or the like) or some nice place in KL (I'll see). Anywhere seems closer than where I am now.
And I'm considering house/apartment mates.
Gotta to start somewhere.
And yes, I'm dying to join a gym too. /// ( sigh )
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gary
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