Thus ends the opening night of Ah Steve. It ran wonderfully, with all of us feeling the buzz of energy and the enjoyment of the crowd and then later seeing who it was exactly who came for the show. There's something wonderful about seeing familiar faces from your life who are beaming in happiness for you. Thank you so very much for coming and waiting, guys - it means so much to me.
Of course, what made it especially wonderful and magical tonight was that M was there. How do I put into words those moments - from the meeting of the eyes, to the first words, the first touch, the enjoyment of each other's company once again, the goodbye.
Last time I called it 'joyous ecstasy and deep sadness', and that's it all over again. I think in my past month of busying myself with everything in my life, my love and care for her got pushed to the further corners of my mind; tonight, it all came surging back. Someone just said, "she's your biggest fan lah," and that broke my heart all over again. Not in a bad way, but in a really beautifully bittersweet way. My words are failing me (several glasses of wine might have have something to do with it) - in essence, we still care a lot for each other, and yet are steadfast in our stance of how our relationship should go on. So tragic hor? Or in the words of the immortal HT - a Greek tradegy.
What next?Continuing the theme of being luvved up, L said something absolutely wonderful to my ears. She's (not-so-) secretly praying that I don't get an on-stage part of Tunku so that she can have me assisting backstage. Yeah I don't care much for that praying bit, but it's nice to be wanted, isn't it?
But I'm sorrylah babe, I'm aiming for a lead role. God knows what that role is, but if it can somehow fit I want it. The masochist within wants to be belasah-ed kau-kau by Mervyn.
Agel & UrgencyThe thing I've always hated about the word 'urgency' is that I'm not sure how to answer the question "what is it". Conceptually I know it is the antithesis of procrastination, and that it encapsulates "do it now 'cos there's no better time", but such platitudes don't adequately answer the question. Whatever, I'll bullshit my way through when someone decides to ask me.
The reason I bring it up is because of this: in Agel, the compensation plan brilliantly rewards the "correct behaviour" - one of them being urgency. This is a business - you go out there, take action and make yours work. However, I know someone who has been thinking about joining for the longest time - 4/5 months, at a guess. I really believe that he does want to join - but he's waiting for something. Lord knows what that is, but in his dilly-dallying he's missed a few massive opportunities to reduce his workload to make a lot of money.
Look, dude. A huge reason to join Agel is timing. When you have the opportunity to be responsible for bringing leaders into the business; leaders who will be the reason for Agel's success, who see more potential in it than you do and want to make it happen for them - you take it. There's more work because it's new, but there's more rewards because of that work.
Grab life by the balls, make sure you have yours, and go make shit happen man!
More on lonelinessThis arrived in my mailbox recently:
If you are afraid of being alone, you are dependent on others for your sense of self, and if you are dependent on others, you block your receptivity to inner guidance. Being willing to be alone involves being willing to be different, to have commitments and values that don’t blend with any crowd.
-- Ingrid Bacci
Show some love to the loner within. The lone ranger within.
Labels: arts, elation, emotions, inspiration, loneliness, theatre, urgency
